Shanghai Tech Writer

So I realize that I’m the only blogger that hasn’t commented or blogged about the Beijing Olympics opening ceremony. Or joined in on all the buzz and controversy surrounding the Olympics. And I live in the country hosting the game. Shame on me.

All over the news, on the Internet, the entire blogosphere, and across all social networks, everybody’s talking, blogging, Twittering, listening, and reading about the same things.

• The opening ceremony was amazing.
• But the footprint fireworks were fake.
• And the little girl that sang "Ode to the Motherland" was lip-syncing.
• And the 55 minority children weren’t really minorities.
• How much did China spend on the Olympics again?
• The little boy that marched next to Yao Ming was carrying the Chinese flag upside down.
• A Chinese girl that was supposed to dance for 2 minutes has been crippled for life, days before the Olympics.
• Poor cheerleading girls that jumped up and down for 2 boring hours.
• A man died of an heart attack watching the ceremony because he was too excited.
• A technical glitch took place during the U.S. national anthem gold medal award: "and the laaaaaand of the *BLEEP* "
• Michael Phelps won 8 gold medals. He should be his own country.
• How old are the gymnasts from China again?
• And boo to Liu Xiang for dropping out of the race disappointing 1.3 billion people.

So what else is new? What hasn’t been said already by everybody else in the blogosphere?

North Korea Olympics 2008

Well, if you thought the opening ceremony was incredible, imagine what the ceremony would have been like if North Korea had $100 million USD (a low estimate for the Beijing opening ceremony) at their disposal to put on the show of the millennium.

Search "North Korea mass game" on YouTube and you’ll know what I’m talking about.

• The Bird’s Nest would be at least three times as big, called the T-Rexastadium.
• It won’t be just 15,000 performers like the Beijing Olympics. If the annual mass game with who-knows-what-their-budget-is already has 100,000 performers, an Olympic-size budget would call for at least half a million performers in the ceremony.
• And it wouldn’t be just two hours long. It’d be two days long.
• The LED scroll on the ground would be replaced by something you thought was HD quality, when in fact, the pixels were kids flipping through color booklets the size of your business card.
• You thought Barcelona’s flaming arrow was impressive. Then you thought nobody can beat the super-flying Li Ning. Well, you haven’t seen anything yet. North Korea would light the entire moon with their nuclear warhead.
• One unnamed North Korean would beat Phelp’s 11 gold medals world record. After the Olympics is over, he’d go back home to plow the field and nobody would remember his name.
• And lastly, NBC wouldn’t have exclusive coverage because the U.S. wouldn’t even be invited to the games.

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